Mixed Feelings.

I'm having mixed feelings about a lot of things lately.. and I'm trying not to be confused by it all, and I'm also trying to not let everything stress me out. I had such a horrible panic attack saturday night. I was legit scared as fuck. A friend asked if I needed to be taken to the ER. I don't understand what made me so freaked out.. but it took forever to calm down. And I clawed the shit out of my hand in an attempt to focus on something else. I finally calmed down enough to enjoy the bout. So intense. But it was really awesome.

Had a good couple of days. There's a lot of things I'm looking forward to in the next few months. Just waiting for it all to happen.

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I've felt this way with only two people in my life so far.

As soon as you feel yourself falling, you know you're a goner.

You begin to fall in love with everything that they are.

All their little quirks.

The way they smile to one side when they're being affectionate.

The way their thumb traces circles on the back of your hand while your fingers are intertwined.

Certain phrases they always say.

The way they hold you as you both fall asleep.

The way they tilt their head to the side when they're thinking.

When you're not with them, it feels like that day takes 10 times longer than a regular day.

And you get so used to sleeping next to them that it's impossible to get any sleep, simply because they're not there.

You hate fighting with them. It hurts you when you can't fix things between you right away. When they're sad, you want nothing more than to wrap them in your arms and wish you could take their pain, worries, frustrations away.

And when they accomplish something, you're so incredibly proud of them, and show it in every way possible.

You will always love that person, in some way or another. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

Love has given me memories I'll hold onto for the rest of my life.