So, I had the shittiest day ever, but it turned into a really good one.
It started off bad cuz I missed the class I help teach, and I have to go meet the professor tomorrow and I have a feeling I'm going to get yelled at for not calling saying I wasn't going to show up. After that, it was a series of things that went wrong and I ended up staying later on campus than I had intended.

However, my exgf called me and made it all better. I honestly just love the sound of her voice. My day could be going so hectic and shitty and the instant I hear her voice its like everything slows down and relaxes, and I can stop and breathe.

I love her, so so much. If all goes accordingly, my friend and I will be going on a roadtrip to go get her and bring her home. And, hopefully, we'll get back together. We never really got the chance to actually date, like go out on one date after the other and be with each other as much as we'd like. So, cross your fingers for me. I really want this to work. <3

Just don't care.

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about my most recent breakup, and I have to say, "What the fuck was I thinking?" Seriously, this girl, as amazing as she seemed, was a stripper and a recovering heroin addict. I have nothing against strippers or recovering drug addicts, but holy shit. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

She was so sweet in the beginning, even before we started dating. We met on dating site, and she asked me to add her on facebook, so I did. We started talking a little bit, moved to chatting on AIM, and finally on skype. I think we legit skyped at least 2-3 hours every day for about 2 weeks straight. She decided she wanted to see me so she bought me a bus ticket to go visit her. Honestly, that weekend was one of the best I'd had in a long time. She looked so cute standing there waiting for me to get off the bus, all cozy in her sweats and uggs. She gave me the biggest hug ever and carried my bag to the car where her mom was waiting. She gave me this cute little beanie baby wolf who I named Slutter (she's a lesbian also), and this gorgeous bouquet of flowers when we got back to their condo. She and I went to dinner and she refused to sit across from me because she wanted to actually be near me and sit next to me, holding hands was a must also haha. The whole dinner was really nice and she was such a sweetheart. We rented a movie after and watched it with her mom, with them laughing and talking in Polish half the time (her mom is from Poland and both her children speak it fluently). The next day we went to a town that was actually nicknamed Lesbianville. Apparently it was like the gay capital of New England. We had the most amazing day, shopping at all the different stores, holding hands without people actually caring or shouting rude things at us, eating at a bakery. I was really sad to leave the next day, I almost cried.

We started dating a few weeks later, after both realizing that the other liked us just as much as we did. The second weekend I went to visit her.. it was pure emotional hell. I barely got a hug when I got off the bus, she wouldn't hold my hand, she barely said anything at all. In contrast, her mom was so chatty and nice when we got to her house, asking how I was, etc. We ended up going to the mall and things got a bit better. She actually held my hand, and we talked about christmas shopping and her coming to meet my family during my winter vacation. When we got back to her house, she started getting ready for work. She took so fucking long with her makeup. I realize that as a stripper she has to look damn good, but seriously, if your girlfriend is only in town for a day and a half more, are you really gonna spend that goddamn long on your makeup? We got to her job and my stomach felt like it was in knots. She went upstairs to the dressing room, leaving me with this 50/60something year old man she's "friends" with. He basically spent the whole time telling me his life story. When my girlfriend came on stage, I couldn't even look. My heart felt like it had dropped through my stomach. I finally had to go to the bathroom and cry. As I was in the stall, wiping the tears from my eyes, this girl comes into the stall next to me and lets out this big sigh and practically screamed, "GOD THAT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD." And we randomly started talking through the bathroom stalls. It was actually a really funny conversation. I came out of the stall to see her looking at me with this flirtatious look. Apparently she'd been looking at me all night and thought I was cute. We talked about my girlfriend working there and how hard it was for me to see what she did for a living (as this girl was also a stripper and had seen me crying). I won't describe the rest of the night, but needless to say I took a taxi ride home, crying the entire way home. The rest of the weekend was kind of a blur, it got better, but I never got over that night. Although, I never did tell her how upset I was. I just don't see the point of her wanting me to go to her job where she gets naked for other people's pleasure.

Anyway, we broke up last sunday. She had disappeared for 4 days and hadn't said a word to me. I called every number I knew trying to get ahold of her but no one picked up. Basically, she'd relapsed again and had spent those past 4 days doing various drugs with one of her friends because she was depressed and missed me. Then admitted that she didn't and never did care about me. So, we broke up.

I've no idea what the point of this post was, or where I'm going with this. I really just needed to get it out. Its just so odd. Why would you date someone that you don't even care about, and act like you do and spend money on them and kiss them and cry to them and talk about the future with them if you have no actual intention of having a future with them?