"I miss holding your hand. 

I miss the way you looked at me. 

I miss your smile.

I miss sitting next to you in my bedroom.

I miss our silent moments when we just sit and forget about everything.

I miss my phone not going off and seeing your name on the screen.

I miss being so close to you.

I miss the butterflies you gave me.

But most off all,

I miss you."

I hate that this makes me think of someone specific.

I went through enough with her.

And then I see things like this, that make me remember so many good things about being with her.

She comes in and out of my life so easily.

And I'm trying so hard to keep her out this time.

So far so good.

Let's keep it that way.

But.. while we're on the topic.. I'd better get this out of my system while I can.

So here's a list of the things I loved about being with the girls I've dated:

- the way her lips would linger on my neck, and then bite down

- when they play with my hair

- when she went out of her way to make her friends my friends, and the fact that I'm still friends with some of those people

- that we could, and still can, talk about anything and everything

- kisses on my forehead

- the fact that no matter how at odds we were at any given time, when I needed her, she responded in 2 seconds and talked to me until I felt better

- private jokes

- being lifted in the air during hugs

- when she showed me that crumbling, abandoned building in the woods, and how cute it was when she got a tiny cut on her finger and was acting all fake sad

- going for really long walks, either talking or in content silence

- the constant surprises: little notes in my sweatshirt pocket, random gifts she'd picked up just because she felt like it, etc

- skyping for hours when we couldn't see each other

- when they give you that look that they only use for you

- the dorkish and silly moments when we went hiking

- talking through an entire movie because we hadn't seen each other in almost 2 months (despite texting and AIM and skype every day lol)

- picnics

- holding hands under the table while at lunch with friends or driving around with a friend, and her scratching my wrist while no one could see (scratching [hint hint: wrists, back/shoulders, hips] = massive turn on)

- kisses that instantly turn sexual

- falling asleep while curled up on the couch watching a movie

- how I let her tickle me when she won't let me tickle her

- when she apologized to my mother for what she'd put me through (however sincere or insincere it may have been)

- when she'd hold hands with me in public and not give a shit who was staring or yelling slurs at us, but continued talking to me (while ignoring everyone else) and smiling

- when I made up a story so that a friend of ours wouldn't follow us into my house so we could talk one-on-one.. and the hottest kiss we ever had (in my opinion)

- singing together in the car

- when she reached, and still does reach, for my hand when we're in the car

- before I came out to my mom, every kiss I could steal from her was incredible