Confession: I get excited about the simplest things.
A friend of mine asked me to go to Lennox with her on Monday, but sadly, she's going when I have class. And I promised my professor that I wouldn't miss one single class for the rest of the semester, since he's letting me make up all my missed quizzes. But I get to go with her next month. The drive up should be so pretty. And we're going to go on a really long walk and have an adventure. :)
She also asked me if I would help her out with an art project she and her friend are doing for fun. There's going to be 100 different photos with 100 different themes, and she wants me to be in some of them. It sounds like mucho fun, I can't wait. Besides, I haven't seen her since I got my tattoo back in January, and I miss her craziness. I'm also in need of one of our laugh-at-everything-imaginable sex talks. =P
Hmm, maybe we'll check out some graveyards. I know that may sound mad weird to some people, but I grew up with a graveyard literally a 2 minute walk through a field (aka, my house, then a farm stand, then a field, then the graveyard). I'm used to it. Begging my mom, when I was little, to go over there on Halloween (and getting a firm NO, which always annoyed me). Racing through the cornfields with my cousins to see who could reach the graveyard first. Sometimes I'd just go there at night and visit my dad's grave, and just sit there thinking about life. I find it oddly peaceful. Sometimes it's comforting. I miss my dad. He died when I was 4 & 1/2, and I barely knew him. But I always get this sense that my life choices would have been a hell of a lot different if he'd been alive when I was growing up. I also think my mom and I wouldn't argue as much, or she wouldn't have given me a harder time than my brother, if she had my dad to share everything with.
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Was talking to G earlier about relationships. We both have the same issues with it. Either we're too far away, too young, too honest, or they can't handle our pasts. I don't understand why everyone puts limits on what they allow themselves. I don't even want to go into the "you're too young" thing, because I'll just get frustrated and I could probably rant for hours. Anyway, G and I are both extremely honest. I don't hide anything from the people I date, but apparently that's a problem. People continuously lie and cheat, and they think that because I'm willing to stand up for myself and tell them what I think, that I'm not a good person. I'm "too caring." How can you dislike someone that gives a fuck about people? Cyclone in Australia, of course I care. My friends are having trouble, of course I care. I don't see how that makes me undesirable, but whatever. [Yes, I am ranting. And no, it's not over]. I was talking to E about this the other day, about the age thing. I seem to be getting that a lot lately, too. Like everywhere I turn. =/ That's one thing that really bugs me, because I get made fun of A LOT for looking younger than my age. When I was dating A, the second I walked into her grandmother's to meet her family, right away her uncle pounced on that. "What the hell, A? She looks like she's 10!" etc, etc. She, obviously, jumped right in as well. And of course, neither of them apologized. You could tell I was offended, I looked as if I'd been slapped. When I used to work at the mall, or back home, people would ask me if I was even old enough to work there. Good lord did I want to hit them. I get it, I look young for my age. You don't have to continuously bring it up and make me feel like a piece of shit, or like I'm not as mature as I am, or like I haven't done a lot in life. IF ONLY YOU FUCKING KNEW.
I mean, okay. I dated E's sister, L. L was 6 years older than me. We had one of the closest relationships I've ever seen (other than KMC and I's friendship). We had a lot in common, a lot of the same friends, the same views, similar personalities. Besides, the fact that we both liked mudwrestling (we used to dig a pit in her backyard and fill it halfway with water, and wrestle, usually when there was a party) only made the relationship more interesting. ;) We'd been to hell and back together, and I wouldn't trade any memories made with her for anything. Yeah, we broke up a few times, but we lasted 3 years.
So, when people tell me that they put an age limit on love, it seriously makes me cringe. And I feel sorry for them, because they're missing out on so many things and people and opportunities by putting limits on themselves.
The past thing.. it's probably the worst out of that list. I have an extremely fucked up past, definitely not pretty. But I don't think that I should be judged on the way I USED to live my life, as apposed to how I live my life NOW. I'm an entirely different person. So when I trust someone enough to tell them about it, I'd like to not have it shoved back in my face.
[End of rant.]
Hmm, maybe we'll check out some graveyards. I know that may sound mad weird to some people, but I grew up with a graveyard literally a 2 minute walk through a field (aka, my house, then a farm stand, then a field, then the graveyard). I'm used to it. Begging my mom, when I was little, to go over there on Halloween (and getting a firm NO, which always annoyed me). Racing through the cornfields with my cousins to see who could reach the graveyard first. Sometimes I'd just go there at night and visit my dad's grave, and just sit there thinking about life. I find it oddly peaceful. Sometimes it's comforting. I miss my dad. He died when I was 4 & 1/2, and I barely knew him. But I always get this sense that my life choices would have been a hell of a lot different if he'd been alive when I was growing up. I also think my mom and I wouldn't argue as much, or she wouldn't have given me a harder time than my brother, if she had my dad to share everything with.
_________________________________________
Was talking to G earlier about relationships. We both have the same issues with it. Either we're too far away, too young, too honest, or they can't handle our pasts. I don't understand why everyone puts limits on what they allow themselves. I don't even want to go into the "you're too young" thing, because I'll just get frustrated and I could probably rant for hours. Anyway, G and I are both extremely honest. I don't hide anything from the people I date, but apparently that's a problem. People continuously lie and cheat, and they think that because I'm willing to stand up for myself and tell them what I think, that I'm not a good person. I'm "too caring." How can you dislike someone that gives a fuck about people? Cyclone in Australia, of course I care. My friends are having trouble, of course I care. I don't see how that makes me undesirable, but whatever. [Yes, I am ranting. And no, it's not over]. I was talking to E about this the other day, about the age thing. I seem to be getting that a lot lately, too. Like everywhere I turn. =/ That's one thing that really bugs me, because I get made fun of A LOT for looking younger than my age. When I was dating A, the second I walked into her grandmother's to meet her family, right away her uncle pounced on that. "What the hell, A? She looks like she's 10!" etc, etc. She, obviously, jumped right in as well. And of course, neither of them apologized. You could tell I was offended, I looked as if I'd been slapped. When I used to work at the mall, or back home, people would ask me if I was even old enough to work there. Good lord did I want to hit them. I get it, I look young for my age. You don't have to continuously bring it up and make me feel like a piece of shit, or like I'm not as mature as I am, or like I haven't done a lot in life. IF ONLY YOU FUCKING KNEW.
I mean, okay. I dated E's sister, L. L was 6 years older than me. We had one of the closest relationships I've ever seen (other than KMC and I's friendship). We had a lot in common, a lot of the same friends, the same views, similar personalities. Besides, the fact that we both liked mudwrestling (we used to dig a pit in her backyard and fill it halfway with water, and wrestle, usually when there was a party) only made the relationship more interesting. ;) We'd been to hell and back together, and I wouldn't trade any memories made with her for anything. Yeah, we broke up a few times, but we lasted 3 years.
So, when people tell me that they put an age limit on love, it seriously makes me cringe. And I feel sorry for them, because they're missing out on so many things and people and opportunities by putting limits on themselves.
The past thing.. it's probably the worst out of that list. I have an extremely fucked up past, definitely not pretty. But I don't think that I should be judged on the way I USED to live my life, as apposed to how I live my life NOW. I'm an entirely different person. So when I trust someone enough to tell them about it, I'd like to not have it shoved back in my face.
[End of rant.]
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