Confession #35

Confession: These thoughts (picture below) are no longer taking over my mind. Yeah, some of them are still there. But it's not such an all consuming part of my life. More like in the back of my mind, barely there. Anyone that thinks any of these about me can go fuck themselves. (:

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Back in the apartment, it's so weird being back. My room looks like a tornado hit. Thank you shitty repair men who tip over my shelves, making my clothes fly all over the floor. I can't even see my bed. And the floor is all muddy. I won't even go into how the living room and kitchen look. It's going to take the rest of the week just to clean everything. My landlord says he's going to send a cleaning lady... HAHAHA yeah right. The last time he had a cleaning lady come in, was right before I moved in this past June. There was dust and dirt everywhere. What did she clean?

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Had an exam today that I didn't even know about, that was kind of horrible. But I did the best I could. I'm downright lucky as hell right now. One of my professors asked to see me after class, due to all the classes I've missed. He asked me if it was because of my friend that died, and how I've been dealing with it. I legit broke down, in the middle of the classroom, with students filing in. I could barely talk. I so did NOT want to have that conversation right then. I've just barely begun to deal with the KMC situation. (aka, the therapy session was awkward, uncomfortable, but I have to go back. She looked pretty shocked when I told her everything I've been through {and that was just an overview of what's actually happened}). Anyway, I met up with him in his office after the exam from hell, and he told me that I can do the lesson essays that go along with all the quizzes I missed, and hand them in asap, along with one of the papers I missed. All I have to say is, thank the Goddess that some teachers understand when people are having a hard time. So, I will be spending all day tomorrow after my classes writing as many papers as possible out of the 5 I owe for that class, along with a makeup assignment for another class. And all weekend writing papers and studying for exams next week.

Well, at least I'm starting to get shit done, which is more than I can say for how I've been acting the past few weeks.

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Also, I don't know what I would've done without G the past 2 weeks. Her constant encouragement, not to mention her being an incredible sweetheart to me, has helped so much. <3

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"To be well in your mind you have first to be free"

Little Bee by Chris Cleave