What a weekend.

For some reason, it feels like this weekend has lasted an entire week. 3 days feels like 7. I don't really know why. Maybe it's just because I'm exhausted in every aspect possible.

Friday and Saturday were amazing, not gonna lie. I had a blast.

I miss dancing so much, and it made me so happy to go dancing last night.

But, is it weird that despite hearing something that would make most people upset, I'm still in a good mood?

I don't necessarily understand it.

But today made me smile. It's like it's impossible for me to stay in a bad mood when I'm with her. She makes me happy, and I care about her, very much so.

And it's nice that she cares enough to worry.

But I've been broken so many times that I don't think that there's anything left to break.

I wish she would stop worrying. She has so much stress in her life already, she doesn't need to add to it by worrying about me.

And it's entirely possible that she won't break me. She thinks she will.

It takes a lot for me to be heartbroken. I don't think she'll break me.

And I wish she'd stop condemning herself when she hasn't done anything wrong.

She keeps saying that she'll do something wrong, but she can't know that. No one can.

She just needs to have a little more faith in herself, and trust that she's a good person.

She's such an amazing person, and she doesn't even realize it.

I don't think someone's past or past mistakes will define them as a person for the rest of their lives.

I wish she could see that.

I used to be a horrid person. I didn't care about anyone, I walked all over people, especially those I dated. I lied, a lot. I had no regard for anyone else's feelings, and what's worse, if I could've crushed them, I would have, and most of the time, I did.

But I've changed so much. I'm not like that anymore. I value honesty. I don't make anyone my doormat. And I care more about others than I ever thought I could.

I know she can be the person she used to, and I know that's what she wants. I think she can do it, she just needs to believe that it's possible for her to be that happy again.

And if I can help at all, I will.

I want her to be happy.

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My frat meeting was ridiculously long. We didn't even go over events for next week. Although, I will be going to game night tomorrow night. I miss just hanging out with everyone, without the stress of getting hours done, etc added to it.

JB isn't doing so well. So many bad things keep happening to her, and I don't know how to help her deal with it. I guess the best I can do is just be there for her if she needs me. I hope everything works out for her.

I FINALLY got to have a conversation with JS. It's been SO fucking long, I don't think we've gotten to sit down and talk since the beginning of September, if that. I miss her and my twin (frat twin) like crazy. We all used to hang out so often during pledge period. I can't believe it's almost been a year since that ended. She drove me home after the meeting, and we had a talk about our lives and relationships and work and school. Hopefully we can hang out the week after next. She's been so busy that she literally has no life outside of school and work. She has a full-time job (45 hours minimum for her job, and it's a legit after graduation type job, even though she hasn't graduate. I think it's with this insurance company, but she does appointments and stuff too.) along with our frat volunteer hours and a full course load. I don't know how she does it.

I almost fainted during the meeting. I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face, had a minor panic attack, and then had to sit down for a few minutes because I felt like I was going to pass out.
And yet, I had to go back and stay at the meeting in order to not get an absence and be declared inactive. Fucking hell.

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I cannot wait for tomorrow. After classes, KE is picking me up and we're driving to Lennox. I definitely need a day away from everything to just relax. We're going to grab lunch at some point, before or after her appointment, and just walk around and take pictures. I haven't seen her since January. Hmm, maybe I can convince her to go get my tattoo touched up with me. And maybe a new one if C has the time. We'll see. I won't expect it, but it'd be nice.